Magidiot

I'm in limbo.

2005-10-15T09:55:00.000-07:00

Tonight, around midnight or something, I'm gonna flip a coin to decide whether I come back to this or not. I've been having second thoughts about all this blogging shit.

So, what can you do to help ensure my return? Easy, cheesy. All you gotsta do is send me an email with the subject "Come back Andy!" and if I receive, say, 50 by the end of this week, I'm back for good. I think.

How easy is that? All you gotta do is get your buddies, your friends, your parents, your crack dealer etc. to log on and email me. For hell's sake, you don't even need to write anything IN the goddamned email. Type three words into the subject, hit send, and your "vote" is counted.

I'll also be keeping an eye on my statcounter to see if it jumps.

I have a crapload of stuff to let loose here, but not if no one's gonna be listening to it.
So email me, deadline's on October 22, at midnight.

And while you're mooching that over, feel free to whack some nerds.

Deceased.

2005-05-30T16:08:00.000-07:00

I quit. I suck ass at this shit any way.

Goodbye.
Alonzo sucks off Steve Brooks!!

Not that hand, the clean one!

2005-05-26T18:17:00.000-07:00

Ahahaha.

I've been away for a while studying a tit.

But I'm back, and I'm here to welcome your applause. Yes! That's right! Embrace me with your warm asses and applause!

This week here at the Magidiot, from Friday till Sunday, will be Random issues week! If you have a random issue, please email me it so I can bash it till it bleeds peanut butter. YEAH. If you have any questions that have been asked one too many times, bring it to me so I can kill it to death.

Also, aside from being Random Issues week here, it will also be Feedback week! So if you come to my site, even by accident, you'd better drop me an email telling me what you think of my blog! And don't think I won't find out that you didn't send me one, because I will!

Now, back to your regularly scheduled normal life, already in progress.

I have been away in a deep trance...

2005-05-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

but fuck it, I'm back. For the time being anyways.

Check this shit out. Man, Devo must be better looking in person, but hey man, he's not gonna get anywhere looking that damn intimidating. Or Steve Brooks for that matter.

"Hey young man, take off that head covering. HOLY SHITZAM!! NO, PUT THAT HEAD COVERING BACK ON!!"

I really think they should've casted Devo as that evil hooded empire guy from Star Wars.

Update to the post that's below the below the post below the, aw fuck it.

2005-05-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

So I left you guys a few days ago thinkin' "Wow, Andy sure is a dick, cuz he didn't follow through with the prize on his contest honestly." Boy I gotcha good! As you all know, Mr. Eric is a king-pin boss of a mafia in St. Louis, and was busy running a drug-trafficking system and all that hoopla, whilst using a university professor as a cover (misdirection-- powerful stuff, right? Right?) So anyhow, he emails me back telling me he'll blow my brains out with a straw if I don't put up what he wants me to, so here it is. While you read the following, I find that if you slant your eyes and tilt them to the left and read from right to left, you can get an eerie image of Elvis. Pretty cool.

All right, Andy. Thank you for your patience. Here is what I would like topost. It is a Charles Bukowski poem in its entirety, and I think it fitsthe spirit of your site:

always

the important
thing
is
the
obvious
thing
that
nobody
is
saying.

Pretty cool huh? The poem I meant, not the hidden image of Elvis. Although that kicks ass too.

Badabooooom.

2005-05-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

(Thanks goes to the Magic Whack for inspiration for the title of this post. Thank you, thanks, be sure to tip your waitresses!)

I would like you to direct your attention, ladies and germs, to the best site in the web at free magic tricks!

Now, don't laugh at this site! It could very well be the next ellusionist! Or the next penguin! Hey you never know! But while we're discussing this site, let's point out a few details that need fine-tuning:

1. If you post your "own" way of doing the King Rising, please, at least let it be different from the real thing!! And also, if you do decide to do this type of thing, do not, under any circumstances, say that you learned it from your own site!

2. Splashed all over the web nowadays is the Balducci levitation. So if you put up your own instructions to the Balducci, make sure you do not copy and paste from other sites.

And that's only the kinks in the exposure part of the site. And if you look down a bit you will see the Magic storeeeeeee! Woo hoo! Details:

1. Don't have your shop on the same page as your exposure.

2. trI nUtt Too miSpleel wurdZ.

3. If you give a money back promise, make sure it's valid for more than one day or else you're just full of shit.

4. As for the Feedback at the bottom, when you fake your own praise, do not misspell and type like you normally do, do not put follow-up comments and do not comment and give 5 stars to yourself and if you do, fake your name, and/or don't splash your name all over the site before doing so.

5. The anime theme kicks ass.

allin all, i rate this site 5 stars its veryy good and i think that u should buy from here cause thayll never catch you at anylthing.
----------------------------------------miguel brambila.

forty

Update to the post below the post below the post below.

2005-05-04T15:51:00.000-07:00

And here is today's post, courtesy of Eric:

"Wow, I can't believe it! Do I have a day or two to think it over, or do youneed it right away? I teach at a university and am grading like 20 hours aday right now, since the semester is zooming to a close, so my brain iskind of fried. So I'd do better with a little time to think. But if thatcan't be had, please just let me know, and I'll dream something up rightaway, though I can't swear how clever it will be.

Thanks--I enjoy your site!

Eric"

Update to the post below the post below.

2005-05-03T15:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, we have a winner! The lucky ass is Eric Eicher from Colby, Kansas!

I've emailed the fucker, and now all he has to do is tell me what to post and I shall.

In case you guys were wondering, the line I was expecting was:

Become talented and temperamental. Gotta be both. People who are just supremely talented (Jonas Salk, Bobbie Fisher, The Amazing Jonathan) don't have pussy dropping into their laps.

While Eric didn't send me that entire thing, I put it up so it makes sense in the context it's being used in.

The part with the Amazing Jonathan was funny too.

Update to post below.

2005-05-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

Hello, fellow sea monkeys.

So far I've received a buncha guesses as to what my favorite line is, but no one has nailed it so far. So I'll narrow it down.

The line is somewhere between the words "saxophone playing" and "Tortured Artist."

And as of this posting, the first person who emails me the correct answer will get the prize instead of the fourth.

Hey guys, check this out!

2005-04-29T16:13:00.000-07:00

Link!

I found most of this shit hilarious, but one line had me rolling. Can you figure out which it is? While I don't have any magic to give away, I will put up a prize if anyone wants it. The 4th person to email me the correct line/sentence in the link above gets to write anything he wants here. No questions asked. I'll announce the winner, and then I'll put whatever they want up. It could be "Andy has chocolate-salty-balls!" or "Cheap Viagra! Click here!" or whatever, I'll put it up. Just send me an email with your guess in the subject line. The body should contain your name and city.

And if no one emails me, I'll just go practice.

The Pass

2005-04-25T17:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, a few days ago, I posted about some of the most popular questions among David Bland clones online. One of them involved the Pass and its inner workings. After my brilliant answer, I realized that maybe they weren't wondering how to hit on women. Rather, they were more interested in hitting on men.

Well the answer to that, my friends, is to stroll up to your target and say, "Hello there, you fine, fine male Stallion. May I push your stool in?" And then go to work with your sixth finger.

Just kidding.

I was browsing about the wide wide world of web and found that Penguin Magic has a video on how to do the Pass.

If you take a look at the demo video like I did, you'll see one of the most funniest things in magic ever to grace the funniest things in magic list ever. First off I don't see anything special about the video. It's just Randy Wakeman demonstrating all of the tired old Passes we've seen too many times. Sure. But here's the hilarious bit. Use your imagination, and imagine that the card being controlled throughout the video is face-down. Now watch the clip again.

It's fucking crazy man! It looks like Wakeman's squaring up the deck nice and easy and then outta nowhere like bitchin' Pearl Harbor this seizure-like tick travels up and down his arm and you see a portion of the cards where he's holding this gigantic break about the size of Harry Anderson's finger flap around. And then the card's on top.

Then you scroll down the ad copy and you read:

Randy gives you the best in Pass moves.

I agree with Michael Ammar on the subject of the Pass. It's just too much. Dude, you're fucking moving 52 cards to get to one. You might as well just perform with the deck that contains one card. That way, you'll have the ultimate ambitious card routine right there in your hand. Boom. And guess what else? Everything is totally examinable.

I'm putting out the above effect tomorrow. Here's the ad copy.

Are you tired of old tired Ambitious Card routines? Are you tired of fucking up your Double-lifts to the point where everyone knows how the trick works? Well fret no more, Kemosabe, cvz here's the ULITMATE AMBITIOUS CARD!

Imagine taking your spectator's FREELY chosen card, and with no false moves, insert it into the middle of the deck. You can even have your spectator do it! And then, with no false moves, their card COMES TO THE TOP!

And here's the incredible part. You can REPEAT IT AGAIN!

Comes with Box, one card, and an Aircraft Grade Aluminum carrying case.

A Hokey Pokey exclusive. These are limited in number, so get yours fast! Once they're gone, they're gone forever!
$650 ($750 in Canada)

--Andy.

Q n' A Session with Andy

2005-04-23T12:21:00.000-07:00

Today, I've decided that since I'm an over-bearing self centered bastard, I'm going to answer the questions I've read one too many times on the many magic forums that have spawned after the David Bland specials. This could take a while.

how doss david blane do that trick were he takes a coinand bit it and blew it and its back to normal?!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's simple when you know the secret. What you see is David taking a coin, chewing it off and blowing it back on. What you didn't know, however, is that there was a piece of paper finger-palmed in his mouth with a camouflage pattern on it. There was also a chunk of magicians wax and an ITR hidden in the 437th taste bud on his tongue. When David goes to take a bite out of the coin, he simply uses the camouflaged piece of paper to cover up half the coin, with the aid of the wax of course. Then he takes it away, and poof, the coin is bitten. To restore it, he simply activated the ITR with his tongue, and the paper was whisked away into his mouth. Simple.

wherec an i lurn steet maggick????

In prison.

how dO i do da PASS.

Walk up to your target and say "Hey baby, your place or mine?"

Wut iz dah raven??

It is an average sized bird, black in color, and has absolutely nothing to do with magic.

^^yoyo, elusonist rox!^^

No it doesn't.

More to come.... as they come....

God-Fuckin-Damn SHILLS.

2005-04-22T17:22:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who use shills to make the magic happen. It's so damn annoying! Check out this hypnotist-slash-magician. It's the perfect trick, mind-fucking your audience till they scream, but what the hell! He's obviously using shills! The women are obviously faking it, the guys, I dunno what the hell was going on, maybe they had a vision all of a sudden or something.

But the last guy was pretty damn into it, I must say.

forty

As if magic really needs another magician defending child molesters.

2005-04-19T17:49:00.000-07:00

Look at this shit. Exactly. Jacko doesn't need a magician for this case, he needs a bar of soap. DNA stains are hard to remove.

A Quick Public-Service Announcement

2005-04-17T11:21:00.000-07:00

And, here we gooooooo!

Lemme tell ya'll somethin', I hate immature asses!

Ohh, what a joy that'll be when we finally get rid of 'em all!

No way they can survive that long here without us hunting them down!

Zip, zip, bang bang bang, and just like ducks, down they goooooooo!

One at a time, that's the way ta do it!

So in the end, after they're all gone, the world will be a much happier place.

Until another one's born...

Cuz when that happens,

Kick 'em out, that's what I say.

So for now, good bye!

Now that's pretty damn efficient.

2005-04-12T22:05:00.000-07:00

It's a shame to see such good intentions marred by the law.

Sure sure, he could've just smoked all the cannabis while he was there, but nooooo, he had to save some for his friends and try to get some back. What a shame, what a shame. Now there'll be cops somewhere in the back of the station getting high and by high, I don't mean Balducci.

What a waste of 3 perfectly good juggling balls. Sheesh.

The ONGOING DEBATE

2005-04-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

Is magic REAL or FAKE? This group debates it out.
(I really sincerely truly hope you guys don't read and suffer through the entire thread. It's really all pretty much the same thing and some of the things those laypeople say are pretty damn stupid. If you do read the whole thing, it's because of two reasons, 1: It's for a good laugh, or 2: You're a fucking spazz. That being said, enjoy the thread, and laugh your head off. Then magically restore it. But that shit's fake anyway.)

Update

2005-04-10T12:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, long story short I now know for a fact that what MagicKiller said was bull and that he's not really Mike Kleanse. I'm not going to post his real name here, but he's only 14 going onto 15, so I don't wanna look like I'm punkin' on this little shit just to do it.
I will drop the topic of MagicKiller now, and move onto something more captivating.

This is totally cool! If you put in "ellusionist shit" into Google, the Magidiot comes up in second place! Wicked!
While we're on the subject of magic, check this blog out: Yeah I know! It's fucken amazing! This guy got his blog to look exactly like google! Now how the hell does he do that? Like Nita at the bottom says:
"i'm SO confused. it looks just like Google! it's the best magic trick ever!"

Ain't that just dandy!

2005-04-09T22:07:00.000-07:00

A coupla days ago I asked for info on this blowhard who claims to be "Mike Kleanse" in a post below. Well, this was an unexpected bold fuckin' move from him. He left a comment after that post saying

"I got some info. - http://undergroundmagic.blogspot.com M>K>"

Isn't it cute how he even signs it "M>K>"? It's like he puts those little signs to help us along when we're trying to decide what direction to read in. It's fuckin' amazing! It reminds me of kindergarten, y'know, when your hot teacher would bend over you and tell you to "sound it out" and you're caught up looking down her shirt. Good times, good times.

Then check this shit out. He posts a blog he made for himself for that specific purpose. Just in case he tries to change it around, i.e. correct the spelling or whatever, I've copied the whole thing. I'll go through and comment on it below:

Underground King Of Magic

This is his title. Really, I'm not kidding. The UNDERGROUND KING of magic. Name one magician that wouldn't be pissed at a guy that goes off on himself like that.

About M>K> - My name is Mike kleanse i go by M>K> as in MagicKiller

Note the cute arrows again! Absofuckinglutely amazing! MagicKiller fits him exactly, because he does kill the art. Very nice. The arrows! Omigosh, lookit the arrows!

ive worked with many magicians such as Peter Marvey Paul Harris Oz Pearlman and many more creating mind blowing magic ideas and gimmicks.

Bullshit. The most he's probably worked with was himself and a few photos of the magicians above. Oz Pearlman, I don't doubt, because to work with him all you have to do really is email him. I've emailed him before and he's a nice guy. I'm gonna have to email him again soon. Oz, if you read this, Joe spoke highly of your Stealing Pips video, and it takes a lot to get on his lectures list, so nice score on that one! Also, on the "mindblowing" shit, that's bullshit too.

I am now currently in Capecove for magicfact.com's magic fest. I am on tour the pendragons , khris edwards , pen and teller, and chrisse knight.

Bullshit. Please please, won't someone step forward and confirm that?

I have many video on sale such as - Streetmagic - unnaturalmagic - Magic 101 along with a few tricks ive created such as the Penguinmonte at penguinmagic.com and sneak a peak , Stealthpen help by Greg wilson , and finnaly square circle deception. Many you can find at PenguinMagic.com .

You can find all of the above at the Penguin. Except for the imaginary video titles. Those are all "Mike"'s wet dreams. There is a very complete credits site here, look for the items above and see if any of them bring up the creations "Mike" came up with.

All in all, this guy is really IMO a self-occupied blowhard that thinks he's good at magic. Please, I'm asking someone out there to PLEASE come forward and prove me wrong. Really, c'mon, Peter Marvey, email me and say that you know this guy. I'll remove this post and the other one, plus I'll post an apology. Prove me wrong you blowhard. Prove me wrong.

Nooo!

2005-04-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

It was one of the best effects I had and they exposed it, damn them!!

Wanted: Info!

2005-04-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, so here's the deal. If anyone out there happens to know a "Mike Kleanse," couldja please email me? Cuz I heard he's like this ultimate underground magic dude, with super duper K.O. secrets! He knows Peter Marvey, Paul Harris, and Lance Burton, to name a few. In fact, I quote him:
"I have very NEW ideas and i am a good magician i know alot and have great tricks including helping Mr. ozwald (Owner of PenguinMagic) with starry eye surprise 2 and New up incoming unbelivable trick by Oz Pearlman anyway aside from that I do know lance burton , peter marvey and paul harris Ive tried already to make myself recognized but im always the one behined the scenes you know the ultimate underground magician im NOT saying im better than my fellow magicians im strickly talking to Tarquin churchwell i just wanted express my K.O. secrets out to many people like many great magicians i guess i will have to find another way."
Yee. So I would loooooooooove to get in touch with anyone that knows of this "Mike," really I would. Please email me soon! I'd appreciate it!

Back by...

2005-04-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

Absofuckinglutely nothing. I noticed a sharp drop in stats, so I guess I better keep you bastards entertained.

So the other day, someone pointed something quite interesting to me. I suppose I'll leave that with you today.

Here is what my friend said. I've paraphrased it quite a bit, but you'll get the general idea:

(After I finished a series of fancy flourishes):
"See man, that is the kind of thing I'd love to BREAK your knuckles for! I see this all the time and it saddens me, really it does! I'll be watching this dude do a 7 minute cut with cards flapping all over the place and end it all with a 437 packet display, with 27 packets balanced on their dick, a hundred on their left leg, two on their right ear, and the rest tilted at an angle on their chin. Then it's another 3 minutes watching them close it all up and I'll ask 'em: 'Do a trick.' And they'll look like they're fuckin' lost."

By Popular Demand... I think.

2005-04-06T22:08:00.000-07:00

I noticed a sharp climb upward in hits today, so I guess I'd better keep you bastards entertained.

I'm gonna start and round off this post with some reviews on magic tricks I enjoy doing.

The Magic Snapper:
Oh shit! That's what my reaction to this was, and that's what your reaction'll be as well! The magic snapper's gimmick is undetectable, works surrounded, and even comes in its own packaging! Only YOU will be able to snap the snapper! Wow! At 99 cents each, this trick is a steal! Add to cart! Add to cart!

Street Magic Kit:

Oh shit! That's what my reaction to this was, and that's what your reaction'll be as well! Chock full of magic that will "BLOW" your "MIND," and if you present this right, you'll get "blown" every night, in your "mind"! I nearly blew my hot load at this, when I read that this shit comes with a fuckin' SHOULDER BAG too!! Man, the next time I'm at a Walk-around gig, or in a Red-Light District, or wherever, when the ladies see me air-walk up to 'em they'll be begging to see some magic. Hell yeah. Get the recognition as a magician that YOU deserve. Add to cart! Add to cart!

The Magic Ball and Vase:
Oh shit! That's what my reaction to this was, and that's what your reaction'll be as well! Make a red plastic ball disappear and reappear inside a tiny blue vase again and again! The vase has been specially designed with a thin curvy stem to make the trick that much more sexy! You can't afford not to do this effect with a hot young single bitch! The best part is the climax to this trick: THE BALL JUMPS BACK INVISIBLY INTO THE BLUE VASE!!! No way you say, but yes way! Add to cart! Add to cart!

Man this shit is so exciting, I think I'm gonna have to go oil my Magic Drawer Box.

Hell yes y'all!!

Geesh

2005-04-02T18:25:00.000-08:00

By looking at the title of this booklet, you'd swear it had absolutely nothing to do with magic.

Wowee!

2005-04-01T09:33:00.000-08:00

Well? Did I getcha? Did I? Huh? Did I?

If you fell for it twice, I feel sorry for you.

Fare thee well

2005-04-01T09:28:00.000-08:00

I'm officially retiring from the world of magic and blogging. I have been hired by the Masked Magician to air on his next special. I will be wearing a stylish mask and expose the Magic Rattle Box in front of millions of people. Folks like Glenn Brooks will be outraged.

April Fools!
forty

Fare thee well

2005-04-01T09:26:00.000-08:00

I'm officially retiring from blogging. It's too much stress and no one gives a shit about what I have to say anyways. Goodbye.

April Fools! I'm stickin' around here. I like it here. You should too. Misery loves company ya know.

Sally Forth!

2005-03-30T13:51:00.000-08:00

Yeah so anyhow, there's this one fuckbag that I personally don't care for, since it's the same with her as well.

So I'm not sure if this story's true, but here's what I understand of it. My internet was down and my electricity didn't work, since the horses need to rest for a few days to regain the energy to run the generator. During that time, I heard through the grapevine that the cunt goes to Steve Pellegrino, who's supposedly her friend and decides to tell him that I trashed one of the most bestest performers ever and that I don't deserve to be on his Blogroll.

Well I thought I was fucked.

So I get over the initial shock, finish my tequila and log on. And whaddaya know? I guess the cunt was just lying through the enormouse gap in his head.

Well best friend, I know ya tried, but at least if you don't become famous for your hitakeacardanyonenowputitbackisthisitaintithegreatestohmanlookitthatshitheflashedimsomuchmorebetterthan
youareyoufucker style presentation, at least you got your 3.4 milliseconds of fame here.

This brings up another interesting issue. What the fuck does Steve have against anonymous bloggers? I didn't do anything to him, right Mr. Whack? Right Andy?

Well, I'm out.

PSInsecurely Yours,
Steve.

Brooks.

Where's Waldo?

2005-03-30T13:28:00.000-08:00

I thought I might make this post a bit more interesting before moving the fuck on away from all this bullshit.

I've changed a post here, due to popular (2 people) demand. Sometimes I don't mean to tell it to their faces, but I take this off because I felt sorry for someone and I changed it to get a few SELECT fuckbags off my back. And you know what? I'm not gonna tell you what it is, where it is, or what it's about.

Found it? Good. Didn't find it? Good.

Aliun Levitation: A whole new "high"!

2005-03-24T18:57:00.000-08:00

Okie dokie, before we continue this post, click yo' punk ass over to the levitation.org site, owned by ellusionist.con. If you read the line that they have changed the line "Spring 2004" to "Spring 2005." Now tape a pair of scissors to my forehead and call me crazy, but it seems that Ellusionist got screwed over in some way.

When ellusionist says they'll put out something, you can be damn sure that it'll be out by next week or sooner. So here's my take on the issue. First, ellusionist gets in cahoots with some dumb guy who claims he invented a revolutionary levitation just like Corey King. Then the dumb guy screws ellusionist over in some way and leaves them for dead. Ellusionist, who is pretty much in deep shit now since they already put out all the crap saying "REVOLUTIONARY LEVITATION COMING OUT SOON!!!!!!!" gets worried and starts looking for something they can knock off and sell for a quick buck. So far, no luck.

Bradley suddenly notices that the sign on his levitation.org shit says Spring 2004, changes it to Spring 2005. If you check out the site at Ellusionist, somewhere in it it says:

"----> A L I U N Our quality control and research on this product are impeccable and that's why you're not seeing it yet. Every last aspect of it must be perfect in order for us to release it. People are working on it from all parts of the country and Canada to make it better and better before release. This is Jonathan Bayme's baby and he had been working tightly with the creator. JB has improved it immeasurably already."

Bullshit. Since when has Bayme had a "baby"? Since when has he gotten laid? Jeez. Well, I guess in a few more weeks, Spring will progress into Summer, and Bradley won't know what to do. Heeeeeeeeeeeeehoooooo!

forty

Hiya.

2005-03-19T19:24:00.000-08:00

Okie dokie! So since we're all money-hungy freaks looking to make a fast buck, I have decided to start selling custom shirts here!

The current design I have going on here is this: on the front is a very nice logo, followed by the words "Got Magic?" A classic. Perfect for any magic fan.

Oh yeah. On the back of the shirt is a small subliminal message I'm sure says absolutely nothing about my opinions. Honist.

Bad Performers: Ya gotta love 'em.

2005-03-16T18:12:00.000-08:00

If ever you are in the San Fran area, be sure to drop by Fisherman's Wharf, a wealth of street performers and beautiful scenery to make out to.

So any how, stroll down the Embarcadero along the Piers and be sure to stop by all the performers and check 'em out... they're mostly nice people.

"Now Andy," you may be asking yourself, "what does the title have to do with all this?" I'm about to tell you what.

There's a magician that

Out.

Website of the day: http://www.knownothingfamily.org/news/
What I'm listening to right now: http://allmagic2.com/talkaboutmagic/talk/talkabout030905.ram
What I'm doing:

Go here.

2005-03-14T17:16:00.000-08:00

Or I'll cram you into my thumb tip.
http://www.magicden.co.uk/magicblog.php
enjoi.

Update to post below.

2005-03-01T15:51:00.000-08:00

Sorry 'bout the mix-up yesterday as to what I was watching. I fixed the link below, and you can check it out here as well.

Warning: May not be suitable for children or big babies. You have been belatedly warned.

Hmmm

2005-02-28T19:06:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or is everybody in magic or selling magic starting to get a blog? At first, it was just a few who wanted to make a statement against Steve Brooksy without the thread being locked, but history's repeating itself.

When Steve Fearson pioneered magic downloads, then everyone followed suit. How about now? Steve has started a blog. So now everyone is following suit. Click over to old man Pelligrino's site (by the way, Joe Pon says hi) and look at the first few of his latest posts. Gee, almost all of 'em are saying "Welcome, new blogger bretheren!" Hmph.

But moooooom, all the cool kids are doing it!

What I am up to: Just got my tickets for the Michael Ammar lecture!! Can't wait to meet him in person next month!

What I'm watching: "Tricks."

Dammit

2005-02-23T21:23:00.000-08:00

People who steal other people's hard work and acts deserve to be strung up by their balls.

Review

2005-02-16T18:14:00.000-08:00

This is a review for an item I bought recently, for the Rocky Raccoon Spring Animal, and the Jim Pace Spring Animal Video.

The Animal:
While the MagicMasters have many different types of Spring Animals, Rocky is by far the most popular, and according to MagicMasters, the number one selling item. Be warned, there are many knock-offs of Rocky, so be careful when buying, as the MagicMasters's Rocky is by far the best, and is the original.

The animal is made of faux fur, so the SPCA won't come knocking at your door, plus getting rid of the allergies problem-- you can do this for anyone without fear of them having hay fever. The entire structure is very durable and sturdy. The entire thing is basically "road-kill in a blanket." That is a very accurate description. The head holds its shape by means of a lump of specially formed cardboard, and the rest of the body is held up by a custom made spring, which is very soft and won't hurt your hands no matter how much you practice. The eyes and ears, as well as the nose, are attached very well, not a slap of superglue as with some cheap gimmicks, etc. I was impressed with the workmanship, and the handling was overall very easy.

The instructions that came with it was in the form of a small booklet, which is illustrated with consise instructions, not to mention a very tidy collection of "Ticklers," or things you can do to make your audience go "WOW," "HA," or "AWWW."

Bottom line: A worthy purchase, worth every penny. Get one, and you'll have one of the biggest and best parts in your act. The package, in this case, does not lie.

The Video:
Let me first round this out by saying that I am upset with my purchase of the video, which I thought would be a supplement or enhancer to the acutal Rocky. It is not. It appears that Jim Pace simply took the instructions that came with the package and videoed himself doing it.

This is kinda like the Ninja Rings thing, where Shoot puts out some Ninja Rings, but since they come with incomprehensible Japanese instructions, makes a DVD to supplement it. Jim Pace? No excuse, since the instructions that come with it are already clear and precise, no crap whatsoever.

Jim Pace has done a horrible job on the video, as number one, it's too damn short. Number two, the teaching follows almost word for word the Rocky instruction manual.

Bottom Line: Some magic dealers give you a discount if you buy the video and Rocky at the same time, but don't fall for the gimmick like I did. First buy Rocky, see if you don't understand the instructions, which I highly doubt, then go buy the video.

In my humble opinion, the video sucks.

Ways to advertise yourself

2005-02-08T16:27:00.000-08:00

You could just keep going to the library again and again to perform, but after a bit, you'll want another way to promote yourself. Here are several ways:

-Business cards: like I said, splurge the 50 to have a couple thou made.
-Flyers: Go to daycares, and tack 'em up on the corkboards. Or at the mall, tack those up over the day care ads.
-A website. One of the best ways to give out your info, since the site will display all the info you need. But be sure to have a good design, not one with el cheapo graphics and backgrounds or else you may end up losing gigs, due to unprofessionalism.
-Propoganda- Such as shirts, backpacks, mugs and more, all available here. For a prime example of this technique, check here. Business cards count as propoganda, and remember, if you have a website, be sure to link back to it on the shirts, mugs, etc.
-Shock. Try paying someone to run around naked during rush hour shouting the name of your website in order to get the word out. That would work. Dancing helps too.

Good luck in your quest, if at all, to become a magician. This is the official end to my course, if I can think of anything else, I'll post it, but I'll be back to my cuss word a minute style first thing next post.

Out.

Cont. to post below.

2005-02-05T19:55:00.000-08:00

So didja do what I told y'all to? Cool. So now you have a routine. A simple routine but a routine nonetheless. So now what do you do? You go out and hunt down some $$.

Start by places like the local library. Ask if you can do a show, and ask for a $50 stipend, fee, price, whatever. Most working magicians are paid a few hundred from the funding that goes to the library, so by asking for like, several hundred dollars less, the library will be glad to have you. Think of it like this. If you went to a store to buy a DVD for like 20 bucks, but you saw a guy in the parking lot selling bootlegs for 50 cents, you'd go to the guy wouldn't you?

So you got your thang goin' on now. But don't make the mistake of reading through the books and thinking "Oh, I got this now." Because you need to rehearse, as this is your first performance in the public eye, you cannot screw up. If you do well, the library could be your ticket to bigger gigs. It's a little known secret: when a performer goes to a library and does a show, afterward, the head librarian will fire off an email to all the libraries in the city, giving a review, so if you're good, all the libraries know you are. If you suck, well, just don't suck and you'll be fine.

So you've just done the gig, and now you've gotten your fifty bucks. What to do with it? Well, you could blow it all on bubblegum, but remember, you're here for magic. So go to the local magic shop and work on your kids' act. Pick up some choice items, preferrably things that use BIG props. Why? Kid's love 'em. Some things include: Linking Rings, Strat-O-Sphere, Dove Pan, etc. The more you have the better.

So you've just splurged your fifty spot on a prop or something for your kids' act. You know what that means? Your show just got a bit better, just a bit. And that's the first step to getting better and better. You've just begun a cycle that will in the end pay off for YOU.

Go to another library and do it all again, and every time you get the 50 bucks, take it and upgrade your kid show. And little by little, one prop at a time, you'll see gradually you're replacing your half-hour kid show fulla stuff from the library with stuff the hard-core professionals work with.

And one day, your kid act will be fine-tuned to the point where afterward people will ask for a business card. SO, one day, instead of upgrading your kid show, have some business cards made. And you know what now? When people from the library start calling you to do their daughter's fifth birthday or their son's bar mitzvah, you'll have successfully moved from beginner magician into the rank of part-time amateur magician.

Get your ass out there now. And become a part-time amateur magician. More on the topic a few days from now.

The Truth.

2005-01-27T17:39:00.000-08:00

I think that the truth is that magic is really really expensive. You cannot make it in the magic business, or get a start if you:
a) Have very little money, or
b) Have a lotta money, but blow it on all the wrong things.

Sure, some people might say, "Wanna get a start at magic? Go to the library." Don't gimme that crap. Unless you wanna get humiliated by people when you show them the magic piece of paper with all the numbers on it, or the "saltshaker" trick, the library isn't the best way to go. Well, it's okay, but I think there would be other ways if I could think of it.

I actually spent the last few days pondering to myself, "If a guy were almost totally broke, and wanted to get into magic, how the hell would he do it?" I have devised a simple course and over the next few days (this course is a few days long!!) I will post each step individually. Here's the first step:

Go to the library (I know, I know, work with me here!!) and check out all the books on magic. Now do some serious hunting, for you are in for a big haul. Look for tricks that appeal to kids to some degree, but try to stay away from tricks everyone knows. If you find a trick without pictures, for all you know, you may have a gem on your hands. Look at it, study the books, and put together an ACT. More on that tomorrow.

Welps.

2005-01-20T23:13:00.000-08:00

I'm really tired. I know I haven't posted for several days due to busy schedule, i.e. going to the magic shop to restock on supplies, doing shows for other folks, etc. etc. Resume regular posting schedule within a week.

I'm out.

Get this thang CRUNK.

2005-01-17T21:47:00.000-08:00

Loving the song above...

AAAAAAlllll skeet skeet skeet.......

Movie Reviewz!

2005-01-15T10:34:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I just checked out the premiere of the new Disney Channel Movie "Now You See It," which is basically about a reality show set out to find the world's greatest kid magician. They whittle it down to 3 contestants, but one of them turns out to have real magical powers and that the person who organized the whole contest is out to take them for his own devilish means.

It was okay I suppose. Alyson Michalka, the star of the movie, did good with the acting and overall, the guy "Danny," who's the world's greatest kid magician, was played by an actor who was taught a few cheap tricks on the set. Some of the tricks featured in the movie were good, others were just plain stupid. Here's what I can remember that was featured in the movie:
1. Thumb shooting- another kid (I guess he's a real magician) has a card selected, controlled to the top, and then thumb shoots it out. Not bad, presentation was good.
2. Yanking a key out of the air- This was accomplished by means of a sleight, but I couldn't tell what sleight, it happened so fast. But it was very clean and a good snap with it as well.

(At one point in the movie, the contest challenged the 3 finalists to create an illusion out of the following five items: a rope, fish tank, bedsheet, broom, and basketball.)
3. For the challenge, a girl (the damn movie cheated!) did a zombie ball using the basketball. First off, this is impossible, seeing as what the heck could she have used from the 5 items as the gimmick? Second, you can't modify the ball to do the Zombie, plus a real basketballs way too heavy, so this was a big cheat on the producer's part.

4. Appearing wand (Fantasio?)- done not once, but TWICE within the same scene! But done by two different people with different approaches. I think "Max" had a cleaner handling of it. But that's just me.

5. Dove production- used as a transition into the next scene, a very clean, very beautiful dove production from a bundle of silks.

6. Dancing cane- Okay, the guy that did this was better than some folks, but he still couldn't truly handle the cane that well. He used the cane from Fantasio.

7. Contact Juggling- In the same scene as the dancing cane, there's a guy contact juggling TWO balls at once! Visually appealing, this guy's gooood.

8. Some Hummer Type Card?- I don't know what the hell this was. I think it was like a hummer card, except done with a Jumbo card. The person that did this was okay at it, but kept doing the same move again and again throughout the scene.

9. Linking Rings- In the beginning of the movie, a girl disgraces the rings by attempting (and failing) to unlink two rings. Very stupid, but in the Dancing Cane scene, a man in the background was doing a routine with six 8 inch rings, stunning, very nice.

(Near the end of the movie itself, there was a finalist that did a short routine.)
10. D'Lites- Done very badly. In the routine, the guy started off pulling one from his mouth, and doing some seizure-like movement, acting like he was putting them in this pocket. He did this so damn fast I couldn't see shit, it was like he was afraid of flashing. He's on stage for Christ sake, how's he gonna flash?!?
11. Same guy in his routine did some Thumb Shooting. Looks like he attempted to do what McBride does, with the goofy smile and shooting the cards like crazy into the audience. This guy didn't even come close.

Well, that's all I can remember from the movie. It was nothing special really, except for Disney attempting to come up with another promotional gimmick-- magic.

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to practice my Dancing Cane.

REAL Magic

2005-01-14T20:15:00.000-08:00

In case you guys didn't know, right now (8/7 Central) is the premiere of the new Disney Channel Movie called "Now You See It." It's about magic, so I'm gonna write a loooong review tomorrow bout the movie.

Laters.

WTf.

2005-01-13T20:00:00.000-08:00

I had an interesting exchange with a random, possibly gay male just now. I found this amusing, perhaps you will as well. I've censored some choice words, such as my screenname on AIM, and the place he found it. But I've left the other dude's screenname, a pathetic misspelling of LeBron James. So if you're a magician infuriated with his cliched "Pull my rabbit out"/"Whip out my dick," simply sign on, and fuck with the guy's mind.
Peace.

LeBron Ames: Hi I saw you on CENSORED. Are you there?
CENSORED: yo
LeBron Ames: wat u up too boo
CENSORED: ??
CENSORED: who's this?
LeBron Ames: saw u on CENSORED
CENSORED: i know
LeBron Ames: u lookin magical as hell
CENSORED: asl man
LeBron Ames: 21 male jersey
LeBron Ames: can i show u some magic ?
CENSORED: aite danx
CENSORED: sure man
CENSORED: go for it
LeBron Ames: wanna see me pull my rabbit out ?!
CENSORED: uh, no.
CENSORED: thats cliched, dude, shut the fuck up.
LeBron Ames: why not ?
CENSORED: dude, if you imed me just to fuck around, im not gonna take that crap.
LeBron Ames: wat are u gonna do?
LeBron Ames: a magic trick?
CENSORED: that depends
CENSORED: what do you plan to do?
CENSORED: well, bitch-ass?
LeBron Ames signed off at 7:55:08 PM.

I can hear them screaming now....

Hello, my Mind Slaves.

2005-01-12T14:29:00.000-08:00

No! Wait! Come back!!

Today was a bad day for me. During all of class, my doves wouldn't keep still in their harness, during recess my thumbtip was stuck on my thumb so I couldn't play basketball correctly, and my M5 kept on moving my lunch tray so I couldn't eat.

But the magic must go on....

You may recall a bit before near when a once-upon-a-time when I started this blog near the beginning, when I posted about this culty slash forum slash con game thingy site.

Basically, for those of you not familiar with it, it's a group run by two devious women bent on deceiving their members into thinking that David Blaine is really there and that he is reading their messages. He's not. So let me ask you all a question: What is their goal? The board is time consuming, since they moderate it, which means any message that gets posted has to get their okay before it goes up, and they don't make any $$ off it. The board has been up for more than a year already, so if there was any joke behind this, we know it's old already, and no longer funny in any way.

So why keep it up? This, my friends, is a real live modern cult. They deceive their members and what for? Who knows? But I ask everyone here to do something about it. What exactly? Read on.

1. Go to the group.
2. Register.
3. Quickly post as many messages on the board exposing them as you can.

Since they have to delete so many messages, perhaps they'll be so overwhelmed by the volume of messages that one of three things can happen.
a) the site will be shut down by Microsoft for exceeding the limit of messages or something.
b) they may stick it through and delete all the messages. Hopefully they get Carpal syndrome out of it, the assholes.
c) they stop playing their little sick mind games.

What ever they do, hopefully we can stir up a bit of trouble for the people that thinks they're soooo clever at what they do.

They're not.

Some random quickly-like shits.

2005-01-11T15:53:00.000-08:00

First off, we have a new record! From the U.K., at I.P. "212.-------.195," this person has visited 5 times, but has BROKEN the longest stay record of 52 minutes and 6 seconds, and has stayed for WELL OVER 24 HOURS! WHEEEE! Hats off to you, sir!

Onto business and magic.

For all you professional and/or amateur magicians, one of the quickest ways to give off the professionalism or card sharkyism or I gotta lotta moneyism of a smartly cut performer is to have several professionally tuned accesories. I'll name a few and post a short review of each. Any of the items below are both useful in purpose, and they give off the air to other laypeople that you got the gear to be what you are.*

1. A Card Case- Now, I know many of you already have the cardboard version, but you really wanna look like you do the stuff well, get one of the fancy metal cases that hold your card box and keep your cards straight. There have been several versions put out, some a bit pricey, and I've experimented with different ones, and found out the truth. The only difference is the price. They all serve the purpose of protecting your card case, and keeping the cards crisp and flat. They're also good for playing bloody knuckles with, if you're a cheater like me. The one Card Case I put on the top of my list as good and non-wallet-breaking is this version, available in many other places for various prices, but Penguin is the lowest currently. It's good, solid, very professional, but don't bother showing it off to other magicians. Unlike what Oz said, it won't do shit for your rep around other magi's because the everyone has them already, if not multiple ones. At least they do where I live. More on that tomorrow.

2. A nice case- Every magician needs a case to hold their expensive precious magic apparatus. Compact, Durable, Waterproof, and Easy to carry all fit into the requirements. But where is one to find such a case at a reasonable price? I'm going to tip a secret that Joe of the Misdirections Magic Shop let me in on, so if you're ever in the neighborhood, go in and support the real brick-and-mortar magic shops! The best all around case is right here. Okay, so you're probably wondering why the hell I sent you to the Home Depot for a toolbox. But look closer, because remember, the tools are sold separately. After you gut the entire thing, you're left with a solid, aluminum case perfect for putting your stuff in. In fact, I believe Dan Harlan recommends getting one on this DVD, and in fact he features a small picture of it as a background for the cover. Might I also add that the advice he gives is excellent? But here's the downside, to the case, not the video. They sell out very fast. So mark down the SKU number for the case, and call your local Home Depot and ask if it's in stock. If it is, get there and get it as fast as you can, if not, ask when the next shipment is coming in. Then go the day after that to get it (Home Depot uses evening shipping and unload the stocks after closing). If anyone gets the case and has something to add to this review, please drop me an email and I'll post it up.

I'm tired and I'm hungry. I'll continue tomorrow. Or some other time.

*No amount of professional gear will help you if you suck at magic! So practice dammit and work on your craft before you worry about your image! Remember, this gear costs $$! Practice is free! So get practicing!

Back to the magic...

2005-01-10T16:00:00.000-08:00

Hello all my beautiful readers, beautiful or not.

I've been working on an experiment for the past week, and now am ready to post the results. Here's what happened. I gathered 20 RANDOM laypeople, ranging from ages 13 to 22. Ten of those people were individually shown this video and asked their reaction.* This group will be referred to as "Group A."
The other ten was shown this video. This will be called "Group B" (duh).

Both groups were introduced to the video with only the following words. "Hey _______, check this out!"
Reactions were afterward taken noted of.

Here are the results:
Group A--8 out of the 10 people shown the video thought that it was a real stunt, that a lady actually did swallow the balloon. Some reactions included:
"Wow, she can deepthroat!"
"Dannnnng!"
"If my girlfriend could do that...."

Group B-- 9 out of the 10 people shown the video thought that the whole thing was either a camera trick, a special effect (due to the speeding up of the clip) or just a magic effect. Some reactions included:
"I know that's a fake balloon."
"That's hella fake."
"Shit, my uncle can do that. He showed me."

So in conclusion, when mixed with a bunch of other magic tricks, and done by a male, laypeople will assume that it is a magic trick. When done by a female, surrounded by other females, and introduced with a seductive "Watch," laypeople will assume this female is a slut and can really do those things, males thinking this females boyfriend must have a heckuva good time.

Later.

*A layperson was asked by myself to conduct the actual experiment while I watched from a distance, so as to avoid biasing since they may suspect a magician showing them a clip is going to be a clip fulla magic shits.

This is slightly disturbing.

2005-01-09T18:06:00.000-08:00

I made a prediction. Scroll down to find out what it is:

I predict you will scroll down as soon as you read the words "scroll down to find out what it is."

Pretty good huh?

Going off the subject of magic for a bit, I know that in the wide world of the web, hence the name the world wide web, there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of keywords out there. Millions that can lead to any webpage at any given point in the web, provided you're not blocked by the Great fireWall of China.

There are millions of keywords as well that can lead to any magic webpage in the world, provided that they're not 100% Flash. So if you want traffic to your site, be sure to use a variety of words so as to get as many matches to your keywords as possible. For example, if you look at the bottom of the ellusionist main page, you will see that Bradley has gone to pains to link to the same sites dozens of time under a different spelling or description, so if anyone happens to accidentally type in "David Blane" in the search bar, no worries, the same idiot will still be linked back to ellusionist. Noooo worries.

So now we turn the focus back to the Magidiot. What does all this mean? If you didn't know, aside from being a member of the "I Like to Expose Myself Club," I also subscribe to a wonderful service from statcounter.com, a hats-off to Tommy Gunn for that. Aside from giving me round-the-clock statistics about my own blog, it shows me what keywords, if any, that link back to my website.

So far, only one user has entered a search independently that led to my website. That user has a Verizon host, and his/her search brought my website as a third from the top match. He/she did not stop by my site, no thanks for that, but the most interesting thing is what that person entered as a search term: "wite hows." That's it. Just "wite hows" plain and simple. Does anyone have a clue what "wite hows" means? I spent about 30 seconds laughing at this before deciding to post it up. This will keep me up at night. What is "wite hows"? Who is this person entering "wite hows" into their search engine? And why? Does this person work for the government? Help!!

Aside from all that, I'd like to tip my hat to one fellow out in Nashville, Tennessee, under IP 68.-----.33! With a record visit length time of 50 minutes and 6 seconds, I'd like to thank this person for taking the time to look through my blog and for seemingly enjoying it enough to stay that long and come back 8 times! Thanks!

Oh, and the disturbing thing I promised you? Well, don't say I didn't warn you.

So shoot me dammit.

2005-01-08T10:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's time for me to level up with my readers and myself. I'm writing this for myself, and for a friend.

If you didn't know, I'm a member of the magic forum, run by a cool guy named Tarquin Churchwell. Yes, it's an exposure site. But you know what? I'm cool with it. How come? I teach and I learn. There's a difference.

Ya might say I'm a frickin' hypocrite for writing about David Ben and then go over to this forum to learn and teach. I'm not.

I think there are two types of exposure. Where you blatantly splash it out for the heck of splashing it out, like the masked magician. And then there's David Ben's thing, where he exposes to laypeople in the act of teaching. Then there's me, where I go to this site and expose magic to others and learn it as well.

I'm for exposure, and I'm against it at the same frickin' time. I'm for it in the sense that there ARE people out there that don't have money to go out and buy a 40 dollar video, a 30 dollar gimmick, etc. etc. These are good folks, mind you, that actually want to do magic, and practice till their knuckles bleed, and if you don't believe me, ask and I'll give you examples.

Then again, the exposure I'm AGAINST, is the type where David Ben and the Masked Magician have gone on. If your students don't want to learn, why teach? Then again, if your students want to learn but will not appreciate it, why teach anyway? The audiences of the Masked Magician, and David Ben are just in it for the secret. They don't give a hang on performance, they don't want to do the trick, they just want to know how it's done. And if they see another magician doing the same trick, chances are that they'll just expose it for others. They are killing the art that way.

Sure, I'm an exposure junkie. I expose tricks and learn tricks by exposure on an exposure site, but I don't exactly have a thousand clams to risk just to see if a trick is good. But I know the people I teach/expose magic to are good, diligent people, that will appreciate the magic I show them and use it well. And that's the real reason why they make magic expensive right? To keep it out of the wrong hands, or keep it from the laypeople.

In case you're wondering, YES I buy videos. YES I buy books. YES I spend a fair amount of money on this. But I suspect the only people that will have a problem with this are people that have more $$ than I do. Well, try being broke and magic hungry, ya bastard. Then what are ya gonna do to learn? Didn't magicians in the old days learn from other magicians for free? Ain't that "exposure"?

That's my opinion on the subject. And if ya don't like it, go suck a Bradley.

Laters.

Didja hear the one about the gay magician that went out with a poof?

2005-01-07T17:20:00.000-08:00

Heh heh....

Well, today sure was a crap of a day. It was raining like a motherfucker, I got soaked, someone stole my lunch money, I got shoved and locked in my locker, and someone stole my new shoes.

Hmph.

Well, I'm here on my blog today to let y'all know about a few choice facts. First off, Brad Christian has been caught a while back snooping around under several false names in Magic Exposure forums, hosted by MSN.

He currently runs the Magic Matrix under the screenname Elevate6. In the past, he has posted under several different screennames, including:

Elevate7
Brad
Kevin
Harry

...I think.

Brad Christian you gay motherfucker, get a frickin' life ya homo.

(Uunttiittlleedd)

2005-01-06T16:35:00.000-08:00

Such an oxymoron.

Well, I really have nothing to talk about today, other than--- oh nevermind. But here's something to chew on:

I'm at the TOP!

Woohoo! It was a bit disappointing that my search didn't return only one result. But this will do for now.... Muahahahahaahaaaa *cough* *choke* *gasp* (I gotta stop doing that-- where's my goddamned inhaler?)

Alas we hath been conquered.

2005-01-04T15:57:00.000-08:00

Click yo' punk ass over to tha' Gunnsight.

I am upset to read master Penfold's blog, which is much well put together than mine or anyone elses. I'm surprised that Steve Pelligrino's blog was named best magic blog over his!!

First off, I'm shocked to see another motherfucker come along with a dirtier shitted cunt-bagged mouth than mine, or anyone else with a blog. He's a demon, I tell you. No one can call Tommy Gunn a fuckhead and stay alive for more than a minute before constipating to death. No one!

Before I go on, I'd like everyone to know that I emailed Tommy about this, and he replied, saying that I have his blessing to slam Mr. Penfold all I want. But I'm not going to make fun of that ugly shit-faced retarded ass fuckbag crack-brain. I'm not even going to call him dirty names. I'm just going to repost HIS blog, except I'll outdo him in the cussing game. Looks like we're even you Penfolded fuck-bagged bastard!

"Penfolds "Long Finger" PlayhouseStep inside for a fucking cunt of a ride
Hello fuckbags and welcome to Penfolds playhouse! I am your host, Penfold and would like you to sit the titty fucking fuck down shut up and read my new column courtesy of Mr "Big Cock" Tommy Gunn.Iâ€™m going to say what the fuck I like and there isnâ€™t fuck all you can do about it, and be warned if you get on my shit list your in for a rough ride. Wanna know if your on it? Then read onâ€¦I suppose I should give you a brief introduction of who I am, wellâ€¦ Iâ€™m someone who fucking hates everyone, aint no-one safe on here not even that fuckhead Tommy "Cock Sucker" Gunn, If he felchs out of line he will find himself in Sex fights Playhouse been arse entered by my Kamikaze gerbils. Barfs move the deep throating fuck onâ€¦I shall titty fucks these issues In no particular order:Mozerian - The "Cuntcleaner" Canberrian slutbag.S gamahucheed up little cunt gamahuches stabbing, HARD! Iâ€™ve never met him personally but so balling what? His annoying browns on the deep throating spunk cafÃ© fuck me right off! when i see his photo in his avatar i have wad pulls of dripping on his throat and balling him struggle for breath whilst blood assfucks from his fomps.. mmm yummy mummyARRRRRGGGGHH CUNT! He spews to fucking die, end of.Thenightbringer89 - The retarded kidWhy is this kid not doing his sucking school work? Iâ€™m going to assume he was born in 1989 assfucking him 15 and heâ€™s sex fighting for all sorts of ballbusting handouts recently, he fucks to know titty fucks he felchs to know that, FUCK OFF SON what you need to know is when your screws teacher is next going to grope your pre-pubescent cock. It also pecks me cringe how his blows are written to try and make you feel that heâ€™s independently thought up an effect and would like to know if someone could point him in the relevant direction for methodology. Youâ€™ve screwed Derren "Omar Pussy" Brown the night before! donâ€™t try to pull the aardvarking wool over my eyes you ACNE RIDDEN SLAG Go get unclefucked you fucking outcast, mentalism is NOT going to make you accepted amongst those cold school corridors.Another thing, have you just had your first lesson in Photoshop? Either that or your gamahucheing another schoolboy bum chum, Jordan "Dildo" Waller with your little cuntlapps, Do you play Touch willies?Dave "Jar Jar" Scribner - The ventriloquistWhy ventriloquist you say? Have you seen his shafting cocksucks recently? He always got his hand up a wad pulling babies arse for squirts sake. Well "Mount" Dave Scribner if your reading assfucks FUCK YOU! Ill see you one day and crack your fucking skull open, faggot! End of fucking story.Steve "Pimp Mastah" Brooks - Anal "Bitch" CowboyYeee haaaawwww yes siree my names Steve and I fucks Assfucks and donkey meat! No shit just look at the fat cunt, I bet he could shit some bricks.Its time for a thrusting little story everyone, come sit round the fire and bring your milkâ€¦Once upon a time there was unclefucks big ol Cowboy by the wad pulling name of â€œYesiree Stevieâ€ and he felched to eat and fuck. One day ol stevie decided to impress the gamahucheing other cowboys and show some Mageek, everyone thought he was great and licked â€œYeehaaaw stevie the great, you should make a websiteâ€And look whatâ€™s happened as a wad pulling raiding result.It should be called â€œThe MagicNaziâ€ vhere ve vin and you lose!!CUNTSNews in briefNLP - zzzzzzzAnother thing thatâ€™s aardvarking me off recently is the ballbusting rise of fucking felchs jerking about NLP and its relation to mentalism, its like it cuntlapps 3 bastard weeks for the post to finally disappear and another cunt posts another, for fucks sake. Stop fucking what mentalist tell lay people itâ€™s a smacking screwing red herring you nob sack. The dripping amount of useful felchs to a mentalism within the field of NLP is minimal, (infact message to Tommy, you should post an article of relevant NLP material for mentalism.) and shut these muff sniffs up once and for all.Sex fights has a fingerfucking sex changeYup you heard it first here fiddlers! Our veteran grandfather the Mighty H K MOTHER FUCKING WILES has had a sex change. Well kindaâ€¦Remember "Rugmuncher" Bet Lynch from coronation street?thatâ€™s all I got to say about thatâ€¦(infact I like mr plows heâ€™s cool)Serial "Admiral Browning" Killer enteredYes you read gangbangs right, the mighty pecks murderer Ian "Ass-stitcher" Broadmore has become a member of the gamahucheing cafÃ©. And he shafts absolutely fuck all, But I suppose thatâ€™s the perfect make up for a cafÃ© member these days. Do us a favour Mr "Jar Jar" Broadmore (or was it Brady??? Oi "Omar Pussy" Tommy, has this cunt changed his name since coming out of prison?!) anywaysâ€¦. Please please please can you take â€œThenightbringer89â€ you know him, heâ€™s the one who brings the assfucking night, and can you take him out to a squirting remote area of the countryside and kill the little scrotum preferably by charvering the cunt to death by asking him stupid fucking asslicks like the screws you ask on the cafÃ©!!!Darkseance farts some bintWell well well just who the ing fuck spanks muff sniffs one think he is? Does a sucking little effect, then a licking sprinkle of charm and WHAM he browns a pecking model! Yeah ok son keep dreaming either youâ€™re a pecking thrusting liar or she was a farting old boot from Halifax whoâ€™s been serving diluted piss at the cuntlicking local pub for the raiding past 65 cuntlapps.Time is nearly up my friendsâ€¦Well its nearly time for me to sign off dripps week plows, Mostly due to the thrusting fact I need to go upstairs and take a motherfucking shit, (look at those presuppositions there shrink, you could have a pecking plowing field day, I use a sex fighting computer, I have an internet connection, I am educated to a degree and spell sometimes, I needed a shit, my computer is downstairs, my toilet is fucks, do I need to continue?)Have a fistfucking good week and donâ€™t stick your hands up cuntlicks arses or else youâ€™ll be in here next weekâ€¦Kind regards (ARRRRGGGHHHH kennedyitus)Fuck youPenfold"

You love me! You really, really love me!

What the @#$% I have to say about exposure.

2005-01-03T16:09:00.000-08:00

Hi all America, China, Australia, or wherever the heck you may be! If you'll direct that magical arrow over to this site, you'll actually notice that the man David Ben has been exposing the tossed out deck! This is an outrage! Indeed it is! I say we tie David Ben to a stake and burn him!

Okay, I'm going to look at this from a serious vantage point. I read this particular remark from this guy, posted on the Genii Forum:

"In my Monte routine, I start out with a simple demonstration, letting them win a couple of times. Then I tell them it’s the last time they are going to win. I continue where I win a couple of times, then I let them in on ‘the hype’. I really show it to them. I let them catch me once. Then I do, for lack of a better description, a double hype - where they think I’ve hyped the Ace, really a queen, then proceed to show them two queens left. They are completely confused at this point. Finally I finish with the bent corner and they don’t know what hit them."

Oh okay, so now the people know about the hype move. Okay, were you the person that invented the move itself? No? Then it's not yours to expose, you mook. Somewhere else in the comment he also said that Penn and Teller exposed on National Television, so why is this so bad? Let me lay it on you straight: Penn and Teller expose only effects THEY invented themselves, not other peoples work.

They thought of it, so it's theirs. Unless someone else thought of it first. BUT it was theirs, so what they do with it is their own shit. In case you're wondering, you're not the only person throwing Monte out there, so when you expose the hype move, you're ruining it for a bunch of other people that do it.

So the next time you do a trick and someone says to you, "I know how you do that--- a magician showed me how at a party," know that it's all because some magicians are too dumb to realize that they're not the only ones doing the trick. That's all I can think of right now, so I'm signing off.

Lates.

Personally, I have Costco hidden in my pocket.

2005-01-02T10:30:00.000-08:00

I was browsing through Scottish Animal Beanie Babies yesterday when I came across this thread at the Magic Cafe.
I spent the next 25 minutes laughing.

But who can blame them? It's completely natural, in the sense that there are so many gimmicks and tricks out there, one would be tempted to carry them all, with the help of pack-mules, of course.
I thought the response from AragorntheMagician was particularly hilarious. Here it is:

"My wife made me a "Magical Hip Pouch" and the following are in it and on me at all times: Mini Egg Bag
Color Vision
Appearing Candle w/silk
Color Changing Hankie
Lifesaver
D'Lites (is four too many???)
Sonata Ring Flight
Finger Chopper (old type that still cuts cig)
Various Thumb Tips w/loads (is 5 too many??)
Wiregrams (Great routine seeing the wire bend into the shape of the chosen card) Disappearing Deck
Locked Deck
Raising Card (Several types)
Scotch & Soda
Coin Box
Mini Die Box
Mini Vampire Tube
In a Flash by Jay Sankey (Absolute Jaw Dropper!!) with Flash Paper
Ring & String (several sizes)
Thimbles (First thing I ever learned)
Ball to Cube & Egg (Yes the egg did come first)
Small Ball to Two Big Balls (keep it clean, gang)
Several ITR's (Large, Medium & Backup)
Mini Balloon Pump w/Balloon's Various Sponge Balls
Toilet Paper & Mouth Coils (Take out of top of kids head)
Mini Brief Case
$1,000,000 Bill
Ball to Big Red Hand
Appearing Wand
Fanning Deck
Two (2) Regular Ungimmicked Deck's
Mini Coke Bottle w/Ring Coins Across (Half Dollars)
Business Cards held by Hidden Hold Down
Oh my BOG, I am a Magic Junkie!! ps: BOG = Personal Deity of "Cheech Wizard" and "Aragorn the Magician"...lol"

What a loser.
Hey, Aragorn, do you have McBride and Daryl hidden somewhere in your hip pocket as well?
I think (I think, since I have never seen Aragorn perform at a moments notice) that Aragorn has an "attack and retreat" formation for performing. That's what I like to call a style of presentation which is very choppy. Do "In a Flash," then RETREAT TO MAGIC HIP POCKET!! Rummage around for something else. Do the "Ring Flight," then RETREAT TO MAGIC HIP POCKET!! Rummage around for something else. Do "D'lites." RETREAT TO MAGIC HIP POCKET!! I'm sure you understand what I mean.

And judging from the amount of stuff this guy carries around with him, I'd say he has at least a 2 minute gap between each trick, to rummage around for another effect. If you don't think that's long, do a trick on yourself, then sit and wait for two minutes. You'll see that repeated, it becomes very, very BORING.

No, really it does.

The complete opposite of Aragorn, I think, is Doc Eason. If you want to see some KILLER magic, pick up his Bar Magic DVD, number one. In the performance (and I won't give too much of it away) he manages to keep a whole bar full of drunk people entertained for a good solid hour. And get this. He did all that with the following:
-A Derby.
-A sharpie.
-A deck of cards.
If you can keep DRUNK people in check with only a deck of cards, boy are you GOOD. And Doc did all that and more. If you want a good DVD, this is the one.

As for me? What I carry around in my pockets are as follows:
-A deck of cards.
-My cell phone.
-My wallet.
-A pen.

That's all I need. But I generally tend to shy away from, no matter how hip they are (pardon the pun), I stay away from hip pockets and usually wear these.

Later.

Update on Moby DICK...heheh

2005-01-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

I never get tired of that old bad joke.

This is an update on the post belows about the Moby Deck from Ellusionist from Chazpro.

Below, as you can see, I've pointed out several weight issues, and as you can see if you click the link, Brad has so far done jack-shit to fix it.

Steve Pelligrino, of the very originally named magic blog, has very graciously pointed out several errors in my post, as well as commented on the Moby Deck himself. You can check it all out at his site.

His correction is as follows (don't email me shit saying I misquoted him, copy and paste don't lie):
"Just a correction to something on your blog, you don’t need to do a deck switch, at least to do an Ambitious Card routine. You could, in theory, add a packet effect to the block, say a gaffed Three Card Monte, take those cards off the block, then with a couple of extra cards do an Ambitious Card routine(ala Solid Deception).

The weakness of this is the weight. I wouldn’t want to carry it in my pocket, but if I was working with a close-up table, which I have many times in the past, it would be easy to carry."

Thanks, Steve.

Sally Forth!

2004-12-30T21:36:00.000-08:00

I am in a bit of writers' block as to what to say here. I really have no topic to write about, and everyone knows that when you force yourself to write all you come up with is crapppp. So please help me out. Click on that email button to suggest to me a topic I should make fun of--- er, uh, talk about and discuss. Yes. Please do this guy a favor. Even if it's just a piece of hate mail, send it over anyways. I'll be able to post it and make fun of it. Or better yet, take a great magic product, rip it off, advertise it on the Magic Cafe and get yourself banned, so that afterward I can make fun of you. Thank you.

Happy New Years!

Sorry y'all

2004-12-28T13:19:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted in two days, and if it's anything to anyone, sorry for the wait, but I'm baaaaack!

Okay, that wasn't much of an apology. So here's my excuse. For the past two days, directly after Christmas, I spent much of the time recovering after vomiting uncontrollably after I learned the horrible truth about the man that runs ellusionist.

Disclaimer: By clicking on the link above, or any of the links below, whether having being written or not written but are planning to be written, you agree not to be a butthole and email me shit telling me the article above is fake because it is, genius. Furthermore, by read this disclaimer and then emailing me shit anyways gives you, the reader, license to shove your head into your butthole and run around screaming like a mongoose, then roll around in a bucket of hot oil before tar and feathering yourself. Such actions are guaranteed to show bystanders the true idiot in you for taking any of this shit seriously and even being in magic in the first place. Please leave us alone now. Please. And have a nice day. You fucking idiot.

Merry Christmas to All!

2004-12-25T11:20:00.000-08:00

Hi all! Today I'm in a good mood today. Birds are singing, heater's working, and my fanning powder is actually starting to work. Ah yes, it's a good life alright.
Bye!

"When your cards are this heavy, you need to work out."

2004-12-24T11:37:00.000-08:00

Check out the new Moby Deck from ellusionist from Chazpro.

I thought this was pretty funny. I spent a few minutes chuckling to myself thinking about what would happen to someone who accidentally typed in Moby Dick at the Magic Cafe. They'd probably get banned for life for typing such a bad bad word. Heh, out of all the things Steve Brooks devours, I'll bet even he can't devour that book! But enough with the bad jokes.

Essentially what I think the Moby Deck is, from what I can understand, is a block of brass with cards taped to the top and bottom to make it look like a deck. You're supposed to do a switch with a real deck and let the spectators pick it up to feel how heavy it is, and that's supposed to make them tremble with fear at your almighty powers. What I think would really happen is this: they'd pick up the deck, look it over and look at you and say "Magicians and their stupid trick decks. Hey Martha honey, c'mere, look at this heavy trick deck this guy just gave me." And that would be the end of it.

Several things surprised me while browsing this page.
First, Look at the top picture:
It's a picture of a killer whale next to the words: "It ain't easy performing with a 2 pound deck of cards." First off, I'm no literary expert, but I don't think the whale in Moby Dick (heh heh) was a killer whale. So now we know that the deck is 2 pounds.

Second, Scroll down a bit to the summary, or the 3rd line of text. It reads: "A 1.5 pound deck that you can use whenever you perform." Oh okay, so now it's a 1.5 pound deck, not a 2 pound deck as described above. Wow, was that magical or what?

Third, scroll down 'till you come to a line of bright red text. It says: "The Moby Deck weighs nearly 1.5 pounds! 23 ounces to be exact!" Which is it dickface? Is it 2 pounds, 1.5 pounds, or NEARLY 1.5 pounds, or just 23 ounces?!

Also, a little under the red line of text, it reads: "Be aware a spectator might drop the deck when they attempt to lift, so don't perform over glass tables." And how can a spectator drop something while attempting to lift it? Is this some type of devil magic? Burn him, he's a witch, dammit!!

All these things have me confused. Brad Christian, if you're reading this, next time before you add another sensational block of metal to your "arsenal" of magic, learn how to proof-read your shit before posting it up.

Merry Christmas!

Yayyyyy!!!

2004-12-23T21:56:00.000-08:00

Two more days till Christmas, two more days till Christmas!!!!! Yayyyy!

Wheeee!

2004-12-22T11:35:00.000-08:00

This is an update to the post below:
Penguin's back ONLINE!

Enough updates, check out this new trick.
It's not really even a trick, if you give me a chance to explain. I am sooo mad at this. I can imagine all the asianic-origined magicians laughing at this effect, because it is just an old Chinese rope STUNT slapped with a new name, and stuck up for sale.
Note that I say STUNT and not trick. It's a stunt. Don't even bother showing this trick to anybody Chinese. Just don't. You will get laughed at, and possibly have your rope snatched away, and be forced to watch your own effect being duplicated again and again for you by your former spectators.
If you ask any respectable Chinese person about this trick, or should I say stunt, they will tell you it's just a stunt. There's nothing magical about it. Really. When people in China show this to each other, they do it to get laughs, not BJ's or looks of amazement.
And to all you shit-heads 12 year old Chinese magicians, before you click the "Email me" button to say that YOU didn't know about the trick until now, first ask your parents about it, show them this, and if THEY didn't know about it either, maybe you guys ought to learn a bit more about your roots and heritage.

Also, if you guys have a bit of time to kill, check out the demo they have of the trick. Note that at one point, the demo guy shows this to a few Chinese people. Note that they are not impressed. At all. Some actually go "ahhhh" but that's probably because they just saw someone non-asian doing an asian trick. I say that because I showed the vid to someone Chinese, and he responded with "ahhh" as well.

Also notice that the only people that are amazed are mostly white. Really. There's nothing more obvious, except for a giraffe tap-dancing in front of you.

Eye of the Tiger. Yeah right.

HiHi

2004-12-21T11:26:00.000-08:00

This is an update to my last post. Check the one below before you read this.

Yeah right.
So I just found out this morning from Steve's site that there's been a bit of an error at Penguin magic. It appears that there is an error going around. And while Steve's firewall laden computer has not been affected by the error, mine has. I can't seem to get to the Penguin site to look for junk to make fun of. Anyone else having trouble? Drop me a line, love to hear 'bout it.

Or maybe the folks at Penguin just don't like me very much.

How to Become Sexy in Just a Few Days!

2004-12-20T10:23:00.000-08:00

Check this shit out.

I think this is amazing!! Jay Sankey is funny, smart, AND sexy! Magic IS sexy!

Yeah right.

I read over the article, watched the video and realized this: Jay Sankey is extremely smart. Not only is he putting out a good video, fulla tricks, he's also appealing to the 12 year olds sitting at home, with pimples on their faces, braces in their faces, their mom's in their faces, with basically no life, and suffering from vitamin D deficiency.

What I essentially mean is that, I KNOW for a fact that there are losers out there (hey who knows, I might be one of them) that spend all day thinking they are oh-so-cool because they know how to magically ruin quarters. They're not.

Check out the MCJ and look through the archives. You'll quickly see that the other Andy there feels quite strongly against using magic as a replacement for a personality. "So what if I can't make normal conversation with a woman, I'll just stroll up to her and do this!"

"That'll get her kissing all over the hair on my chest in NO TIME!"

I would like to point out one particular idiot that I noticed whilst browsing all the customer reviews on this particular video. Seems that "The Artisan" is way ahead of us in the game. Check out his review:

Well, I probably won't need this DVD because I'm already pretty slick with my magic and my girls. The effects sound like they might be nice, but I probably could never do them because the women are already too busy staring into my eyes to look for the magic. Why am I so cursed with charm. Yours truly... The Artisan__JKH

Gee, whatta faggot.

I can imagine it now...

TA(The Artisan): Hey baby, can I show you a card trick? Please?

G(Girl): Oh, man, not again. *Sigh* Go ahead.

TA: So uh, we take the cards like this, and we um, do that and we uh--

G: Why are you talking like that?

TA: Um, because it's, uh, like, part of the trick, something... So we take the cards and um... hahah.

G: No, seriously honey, why are you talking like that?

TA: Why are you staring into my EYES like that?

G: Forget your stupid trick. Let me look DEEP into those eyes.

TA: Oooh, yeah baby.

G: WHAT?! Don't talk to me like that!! Your eyes are really RED!! You've been smoking weed, haven't you?

TA: Mommmmm! I haven't, I swear!

G: That's it, young man, off to the clinic with you!!

Boy, is he a ladies man.

Look at what Doodie (slang for a turd, if you didn't know) had to say:

I'm such a lover.... I think I will love this DVD... but I'm not gonna use it since I already have a girl friend... but still I got mine using an appearing rose so to all of you guys... take that as an advice.

So all of a sudden, this turd is giving advice to guys! Wowie, another talking turd! Watch out Mr. Hankey! You're about to be taken over by a PIMPIN' talkin' turd!

Enuff ranting. I'm off to smoke a joint.

Mommmmmm!! I don't smoke!!

Off to the clinic with you, young man!!

Jebus

2004-12-19T10:16:00.000-08:00

Yikes. It's been what, like two months since my last post. I've been so damn busy I don't have any fucking time left to do any of this. Which explains why I'm the world's greatest procrastinator.
A few updates since some of the old posts below are now no longer accurate.

The David Blaine Magic Man group is still at it, fooling unsuspecting kids and tourists into thinking David Blaine's a god, he's on the site, yadda yadda. Check that shits out yo.

Steve Brooks probably still eats pubes for breakfast.

The idiots at Penguin Magic still think they're smart.

And the SleightGeek page is BACK IN ACTION!!! WOOHOO!!

And I still need a dove pan.

More updating to come in the future. Stick around beautifuls.

Any kind souls out there?

2004-10-24T18:49:00.000-07:00

Kindly direct that pointy thing to this site.

Read the paragraph at the bottom. Can you see and hear the woe in that man's voice? Of course not, but with a good imagination you can come pretty damn close. I know for sure that I don't got the nuts to run something that big, but if you think you do, do these guys a favor and get in there and help out. I've done my part.
And for you kind souls, while you're at it, I need a new dove pan. Email me.

I'm out.

Drumroll please....

2004-10-22T16:58:00.000-07:00

Badumbadumbadumbadum....

And now ladies and germs, please direct your attention to the Southwest corner!

...Other way. (Imbeciles...)

There! Stop!

Now ladeez and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages 13 and up! I present to you the best thing since sliced Marlo!

I thought so too!

2004-10-21T16:42:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don't know, check out this new vid up at Penguin Magic.
Y'know, it amazes me how these fucking idiots (sheesh, even a monkey could tell) can figure out all by themselves that Mr. "Boris" is really Jay Sankey with roadkill on his forehead and stut-t-t-t-t-tering on purpose.

And here I thought it was David Blaine in a wig . . .

Guess what?

2004-10-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

And nowwwww, for something totally wandom.

"Steve Brooks eats pubes for breakfast!"

MCJ, feel free to pull that quote!

The real truth.

2004-10-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

This is a continuation of the blog below. Read it first.

Now I'm really angry at this site. They've basically fucked their members into thinking that:

a: David Blaine's a member at that group.

b: That David Blaine's not human, he's immortal, a god, a messiah, prophet etc.

c: And that what he does is real magic.

For those of you that aren't magicians, you'd best stay away from here because you may be disappointed. Ready? Here goes: There IS no Santa, there IS no Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny is dead, and Peter Pan grew up.

You still here? Good. I'm mad at this site basically because they're just two women that think it's good fun to decieve their members into thinking something else and that it's harmless fun. It's not, for the following reasons:

a: David's NOT a member of the group. He doesn't even know it exists.

b: This is a no-brainer. He's frickin' human. Proof of this? Look at that stunt he did where he stays in a plastic loony hospital for 44 days without food. Now notice I didn't say "without food or water." He's human enough that he needs water. Why am I explaining this? I must be crazy, DUH he's human...

c: Now I am going to reveal all the secrets of Blaine. Just kidding. Seriously for those of you that DON'T know that David doesn't do REAL magic, please email me, I can refer you to a counselor and arrange for a safe place for you to stay in a rubber room.

Now if you ask me, this is a much better version of the site. Dontcha think?

How's about a lil' good cult like fun y'all?

2004-10-18T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all! Check out this cool new group that all the cool kids are joinin'! It's the David Blaine Magic Man group!

Now at first I always thinked ter m'self, that Hinduish guy on the television screen that does them magicky tricks is pretty 'mazin'. He standed in dat ice coob for a long time! He eben be abled to fly!

Now, y'all, I'd just wants y'all t' know, dat I KNOW hows his tricks was done! I betchu I can stick my hand through a windows too! I can fly too! I can do all dat and more wif a thing I likes to call a magicky stick, 'cept it's filled wif marajuwana.

So, I's thinkin' I knows how that Hindu guy does all dem magicky tricks, but then I learns the troof about him at dis site! He's a god!
But howevers my mam tells me that itsa culty like group and that he's juss sum dum Hindu obsessed wif strip clubs! Hows about that!

Yeah wite. Y'all shoulds be jalous now, cuz now I's know dat his names David Bland and that he's the new messiah! He even goes to dat site! Now if y'all excuse ME, I gots to go kills myself and sees if Davidy can heals me back ter life y'all!

Bang.

2004-10-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

Since this will be my first blog ever in the history of ever, I suppose I should start this thing off with a bang.

Since I'm a beginner blogger, I'd like to say for those of you who are certified idiots that the reason this blog is called the Magidiot, is because it's all about the idiocies of magic and more. I hope that the OTHER Andy of the MCJ and Mr. Pelligrino of the very originally named "Magic" blog will support me in my writings.

If you guys have no idea who Andy or Steve Pelligrino is, I think you guys better crawl out from underneath that rock and direct your mouse to Andy's site and Steve's site.

Also, since I'm new here, you'd be doing me a favor if you find something like perhaps a stupid magic article, site, and the like and email it to me, for sake of having something to write about, unlike the pointless bull shit of the Magic Cafe. To find out more about that dick Steve Brooks, Cutts and more, check out the full story at the links above, bitch.

Most of all, hopefully this blog will grow up and make its daddy proud.