Now Playing: Yeah by Usher

Friday, April 29, 2005

 

Hey guys, check this out!

Link!

I found most of this shit hilarious, but one line had me rolling. Can you figure out which it is? While I don't have any magic to give away, I will put up a prize if anyone wants it. The 4th person to email me the correct line/sentence in the link above gets to write anything he wants here. No questions asked. I'll announce the winner, and then I'll put whatever they want up. It could be "Andy has chocolate-salty-balls!" or "Cheap Viagra! Click here!" or whatever, I'll put it up. Just send me an email with your guess in the subject line. The body should contain your name and city.

And if no one emails me, I'll just go practice.

Monday, April 25, 2005

 

The Pass

Okay, a few days ago, I posted about some of the most popular questions among David Bland clones online. One of them involved the Pass and its inner workings. After my brilliant answer, I realized that maybe they weren't wondering how to hit on women. Rather, they were more interested in hitting on men.

Well the answer to that, my friends, is to stroll up to your target and say, "Hello there, you fine, fine male Stallion. May I push your stool in?" And then go to work with your sixth finger.

Just kidding.

I was browsing about the wide wide world of web and found that Penguin Magic has a video on how to do the Pass.

If you take a look at the demo video like I did, you'll see one of the most funniest things in magic ever to grace the funniest things in magic list ever. First off I don't see anything special about the video. It's just Randy Wakeman demonstrating all of the tired old Passes we've seen too many times. Sure. But here's the hilarious bit. Use your imagination, and imagine that the card being controlled throughout the video is face-down. Now watch the clip again.

It's fucking crazy man! It looks like Wakeman's squaring up the deck nice and easy and then outta nowhere like bitchin' Pearl Harbor this seizure-like tick travels up and down his arm and you see a portion of the cards where he's holding this gigantic break about the size of Harry Anderson's finger flap around. And then the card's on top.

Then you scroll down the ad copy and you read:

Randy gives you the best in Pass moves.

I agree with Michael Ammar on the subject of the Pass. It's just too much. Dude, you're fucking moving 52 cards to get to one. You might as well just perform with the deck that contains one card. That way, you'll have the ultimate ambitious card routine right there in your hand. Boom. And guess what else? Everything is totally examinable.

I'm putting out the above effect tomorrow. Here's the ad copy.

Are you tired of old tired Ambitious Card routines? Are you tired of fucking up your Double-lifts to the point where everyone knows how the trick works? Well fret no more, Kemosabe, cvz here's the ULITMATE AMBITIOUS CARD!

Imagine taking your spectator's FREELY chosen card, and with no false moves, insert it into the middle of the deck. You can even have your spectator do it! And then, with no false moves, their card COMES TO THE TOP!

And here's the incredible part. You can REPEAT IT AGAIN!

Comes with Box, one card, and an Aircraft Grade Aluminum carrying case.

A Hokey Pokey exclusive. These are limited in number, so get yours fast! Once they're gone, they're gone forever!
$650 ($750 in Canada)

--Andy.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

 

Q n' A Session with Andy

Today, I've decided that since I'm an over-bearing self centered bastard, I'm going to answer the questions I've read one too many times on the many magic forums that have spawned after the David Bland specials. This could take a while.

how doss david blane do that trick were he takes a coinand bit it and blew it and its back to normal?!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's simple when you know the secret. What you see is David taking a coin, chewing it off and blowing it back on. What you didn't know, however, is that there was a piece of paper finger-palmed in his mouth with a camouflage pattern on it. There was also a chunk of magicians wax and an ITR hidden in the 437th taste bud on his tongue. When David goes to take a bite out of the coin, he simply uses the camouflaged piece of paper to cover up half the coin, with the aid of the wax of course. Then he takes it away, and poof, the coin is bitten. To restore it, he simply activated the ITR with his tongue, and the paper was whisked away into his mouth. Simple.

wherec an i lurn steet maggick????

In prison.

how dO i do da PASS.

Walk up to your target and say "Hey baby, your place or mine?"

Wut iz dah raven??

It is an average sized bird, black in color, and has absolutely nothing to do with magic.

^^yoyo, elusonist rox!^^

No it doesn't.





More to come.... as they come....

Friday, April 22, 2005

 

God-Fuckin-Damn SHILLS.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who use shills to make the magic happen. It's so damn annoying! Check out this hypnotist-slash-magician. It's the perfect trick, mind-fucking your audience till they scream, but what the hell! He's obviously using shills! The women are obviously faking it, the guys, I dunno what the hell was going on, maybe they had a vision all of a sudden or something.

But the last guy was pretty damn into it, I must say.

forty

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

 

As if magic really needs another magician defending child molesters.

Look at this shit. Exactly. Jacko doesn't need a magician for this case, he needs a bar of soap. DNA stains are hard to remove.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

 

A Quick Public-Service Announcement

And, here we gooooooo!
Lemme tell ya'll somethin', I hate immature asses!
Ohh, what a joy that'll be when we finally get rid of 'em all!
No way they can survive that long here without us hunting them down!
Zip, zip, bang bang bang, and just like ducks, down they goooooooo!
One at a time, that's the way ta do it!
So in the end, after they're all gone, the world will be a much happier place.
Until another one's born...
Cuz when that happens,
Kick 'em out, that's what I say.
So for now, good bye!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

 

Now that's pretty damn efficient.

It's a shame to see such good intentions marred by the law.

Sure sure, he could've just smoked all the cannabis while he was there, but nooooo, he had to save some for his friends and try to get some back. What a shame, what a shame. Now there'll be cops somewhere in the back of the station getting high and by high, I don't mean Balducci.

What a waste of 3 perfectly good juggling balls. Sheesh.

Monday, April 11, 2005

 

The ONGOING DEBATE

Is magic REAL or FAKE? This group debates it out.
(I really sincerely truly hope you guys don't read and suffer through the entire thread. It's really all pretty much the same thing and some of the things those laypeople say are pretty damn stupid. If you do read the whole thing, it's because of two reasons, 1: It's for a good laugh, or 2: You're a fucking spazz. That being said, enjoy the thread, and laugh your head off. Then magically restore it. But that shit's fake anyway.)

Sunday, April 10, 2005

 

Update

Okay, long story short I now know for a fact that what MagicKiller said was bull and that he's not really Mike Kleanse. I'm not going to post his real name here, but he's only 14 going onto 15, so I don't wanna look like I'm punkin' on this little shit just to do it.
I will drop the topic of MagicKiller now, and move onto something more captivating.


This is totally cool! If you put in "ellusionist shit" into Google, the Magidiot comes up in second place! Wicked!
While we're on the subject of magic, check this blog out: Yeah I know! It's fucken amazing! This guy got his blog to look exactly like google! Now how the hell does he do that? Like Nita at the bottom says:
"i'm SO confused. it looks just like Google! it's the best magic trick ever!"

Saturday, April 09, 2005

 

Ain't that just dandy!

A coupla days ago I asked for info on this blowhard who claims to be "Mike Kleanse" in a post below. Well, this was an unexpected bold fuckin' move from him. He left a comment after that post saying

"I got some info. - http://undergroundmagic.blogspot.com M>K>"

Isn't it cute how he even signs it "M>K>"? It's like he puts those little signs to help us along when we're trying to decide what direction to read in. It's fuckin' amazing! It reminds me of kindergarten, y'know, when your hot teacher would bend over you and tell you to "sound it out" and you're caught up looking down her shirt. Good times, good times.

Then check this shit out. He posts a blog he made for himself for that specific purpose. Just in case he tries to change it around, i.e. correct the spelling or whatever, I've copied the whole thing. I'll go through and comment on it below:

Underground King Of Magic

This is his title. Really, I'm not kidding. The UNDERGROUND KING of magic. Name one magician that wouldn't be pissed at a guy that goes off on himself like that.

About M>K> - My name is Mike kleanse i go by M>K> as in MagicKiller

Note the cute arrows again! Absofuckinglutely amazing! MagicKiller fits him exactly, because he does kill the art. Very nice. The arrows! Omigosh, lookit the arrows!

ive worked with many magicians such as Peter Marvey Paul Harris Oz Pearlman and many more creating mind blowing magic ideas and gimmicks.

Bullshit. The most he's probably worked with was himself and a few photos of the magicians above. Oz Pearlman, I don't doubt, because to work with him all you have to do really is email him. I've emailed him before and he's a nice guy. I'm gonna have to email him again soon. Oz, if you read this, Joe spoke highly of your Stealing Pips video, and it takes a lot to get on his lectures list, so nice score on that one! Also, on the "mindblowing" shit, that's bullshit too.

I am now currently in Capecove for magicfact.com's magic fest. I am on tour the pendragons , khris edwards , pen and teller, and chrisse knight.

Bullshit. Please please, won't someone step forward and confirm that?

I have many video on sale such as - Streetmagic - unnaturalmagic - Magic 101 along with a few tricks ive created such as the Penguinmonte at penguinmagic.com and sneak a peak , Stealthpen help by Greg wilson , and finnaly square circle deception. Many you can find at PenguinMagic.com .

You can find all of the above at the Penguin. Except for the imaginary video titles. Those are all "Mike"'s wet dreams. There is a very complete credits site here, look for the items above and see if any of them bring up the creations "Mike" came up with.


All in all, this guy is really IMO a self-occupied blowhard that thinks he's good at magic. Please, I'm asking someone out there to PLEASE come forward and prove me wrong. Really, c'mon, Peter Marvey, email me and say that you know this guy. I'll remove this post and the other one, plus I'll post an apology. Prove me wrong you blowhard. Prove me wrong.

Friday, April 08, 2005

 

Nooo!

It was one of the best effects I had and they exposed it, damn them!!

 

Wanted: Info!

Okay, so here's the deal. If anyone out there happens to know a "Mike Kleanse," couldja please email me? Cuz I heard he's like this ultimate underground magic dude, with super duper K.O. secrets! He knows Peter Marvey, Paul Harris, and Lance Burton, to name a few. In fact, I quote him:
"I have very NEW ideas and i am a good magician i know alot and have great tricks including helping Mr. ozwald (Owner of PenguinMagic) with starry eye surprise 2 and New up incoming unbelivable trick by Oz Pearlman anyway aside from that I do know lance burton , peter marvey and paul harris Ive tried already to make myself recognized but im always the one behined the scenes you know the ultimate underground magician im NOT saying im better than my fellow magicians im strickly talking to Tarquin churchwell i just wanted express my K.O. secrets out to many people like many great magicians i guess i will have to find another way."
Yee. So I would loooooooooove to get in touch with anyone that knows of this "Mike," really I would. Please email me soon! I'd appreciate it!

Thursday, April 07, 2005

 

Back by...

Absofuckinglutely nothing. I noticed a sharp drop in stats, so I guess I better keep you bastards entertained.

So the other day, someone pointed something quite interesting to me. I suppose I'll leave that with you today.

Here is what my friend said. I've paraphrased it quite a bit, but you'll get the general idea:

(After I finished a series of fancy flourishes):
"See man, that is the kind of thing I'd love to BREAK your knuckles for! I see this all the time and it saddens me, really it does! I'll be watching this dude do a 7 minute cut with cards flapping all over the place and end it all with a 437 packet display, with 27 packets balanced on their dick, a hundred on their left leg, two on their right ear, and the rest tilted at an angle on their chin. Then it's another 3 minutes watching them close it all up and I'll ask 'em: 'Do a trick.' And they'll look like they're fuckin' lost."

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

 

By Popular Demand... I think.

I noticed a sharp climb upward in hits today, so I guess I'd better keep you bastards entertained.

I'm gonna start and round off this post with some reviews on magic tricks I enjoy doing.

The Magic Snapper:
Oh shit! That's what my reaction to this was, and that's what your reaction'll be as well! The magic snapper's gimmick is undetectable, works surrounded, and even comes in its own packaging! Only YOU will be able to snap the snapper! Wow! At 99 cents each, this trick is a steal! Add to cart! Add to cart!

Street Magic Kit:
Oh shit! That's what my reaction to this was, and that's what your reaction'll be as well! Chock full of magic that will "BLOW" your "MIND," and if you present this right, you'll get "blown" every night, in your "mind"! I nearly blew my hot load at this, when I read that this shit comes with a fuckin' SHOULDER BAG too!! Man, the next time I'm at a Walk-around gig, or in a Red-Light District, or wherever, when the ladies see me air-walk up to 'em they'll be begging to see some magic. Hell yeah. Get the recognition as a magician that YOU deserve. Add to cart! Add to cart!


The Magic Ball and Vase:
Oh shit! That's what my reaction to this was, and that's what your reaction'll be as well! Make a red plastic ball disappear and reappear inside a tiny blue vase again and again! The vase has been specially designed with a thin curvy stem to make the trick that much more sexy! You can't afford not to do this effect with a hot young single bitch! The best part is the climax to this trick: THE BALL JUMPS BACK INVISIBLY INTO THE BLUE VASE!!! No way you say, but yes way! Add to cart! Add to cart!

Man this shit is so exciting, I think I'm gonna have to go oil my Magic Drawer Box.

Hell yes y'all!!

Saturday, April 02, 2005

 

Geesh

By looking at the title of this booklet, you'd swear it had absolutely nothing to do with magic.

Friday, April 01, 2005

 

Wowee!

Well? Did I getcha? Did I? Huh? Did I?

If you fell for it twice, I feel sorry for you.

 

Fare thee well

I'm officially retiring from the world of magic and blogging. I have been hired by the Masked Magician to air on his next special. I will be wearing a stylish mask and expose the Magic Rattle Box in front of millions of people. Folks like Glenn Brooks will be outraged.
















April Fools!
forty

 

Fare thee well

I'm officially retiring from blogging. It's too much stress and no one gives a shit about what I have to say anyways. Goodbye.






April Fools! I'm stickin' around here. I like it here. You should too. Misery loves company ya know.

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